the strongest wish

"thus, the way by which a man can reach god is revealed to him only through the knowledge of his own being, the knowledge of his essential quality and inclination. 'everyone has in him something precious that is in no one else.' but this precious something in a man is revealed to him only if he truly perceives his strongest feelings, his central wish, that in him which stirs his inmost being." - buber

a city is a good place to feel how much longing humanity actually bears. breath it for a moment, and we realize how seldom the strongest wish is grasped.

in deeper lakes are creatures with beady scales, and eyes like deeper pools, black and greasy. and below the lilly pads glide their meals, to be snatched and devoured and reunited with the beetles below and above. in earthy loam soaked through with desire, water intermixes with rock, and rock with loam. what are these glimpses of the sun above?

talking-into-use

what i'm reading today: proust, ovid

"these youthful fantasies were almost entirely improvised out of an instinct which, if i were to specify it more particularly, i might describe as busied with transferring god from the sphere of rumor into the realm of direst and daily experience: the recommending by every means as naive and lively talking-into-use of god with which I seemed to have been charged since childhood."

rilke wrote these words in response to his own stories of god. a musty-ish smelling copy of stories of god lives in my bedroom library, a place of rest and love, a place where i die and am reborn daily. my imagination reorients itself every night, and my mind talks to my heart, hopefully to embody the things i really want the next day. i think every human should spend time talking-into-use the things that stir their heart, especially god.

we need something like the Pop idea of Andy Warhol, the idea that "anyone could do anything." an artist could be a celebrity, a celebrity a film maker, a film maker a factory, and a factory a writer. but, our time needs a slight amendment, to say instead that "anyone can be their true selves." everyone is already famous these days, but few people are really free. and, most people are hiding behind their fifteen minutes of fame.

to talk-into-use means to imagine and to daydream about the yearnings of life. to imagine the practical implications of "nothing is more valuable than your soul." all of us have gained the whole world - individually, communally. but, there are still monsters to vanquish, the monsters inside the self to conquer, vile tricksters within the heart (this is the lesson of the film where the wild things are, the music of arcade fire and the decemberists). if we took the time to grasp what our hearts really want, we might break through the shell of our own fame. we might speak the words that would ignite a fire.

let me imagine freedom in all areas of life - food, sex, friends, creativity, bathing, sky scrapers, organization, corporations, music, books, tea, furniture, emotions, self, hatred, goodness, outings, weekends, brunches, bodies, skin, and business. and, i will talk-into-use the kingdom of god.