introduction

in brief: this writing establishes a systematic phenomenology of God. phenomenology is the science of phenomena, or the object as received in one’s perception. phenomenology is a description of a perception of reality rather than a description of reality itself. as an example, i experience the moon as a small, silver grey sliver against the background of the sky. in reality, the moon is a rocky sphere almost 3500 kilometers across. phenomenology accentuates the subjective, choosing as its specimen the sliver in the sky rather than the orb rotating the earth. a phenomenology of God, then, is a description of the structures created within the human subject who is perceiving God.

this exploration is distinct from theology as theology attempts to be an objective description of God as He is in His true nature. what we are after here is the subjective contents created through interaction with God - the constructs (both emotional and intellectual) that result within humans from approaching such an infinite personality. theologically, the term sanctification is a rough description of this interaction. we wish to describe the emotional, intellectual, and volitional effects of sanctification. thus, the writing is by nature philosophical, as it answers “what might we be?” or “how should we live?” it is not a statement about God, but a statement about the human experience.

why is this pursuit important or even valid?

first, if we are biblical christians (meaning we hold to the truths of the bible), we see in revelation 12:11 that "they overcame because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony.” we see here that we overcome by the word of our testimony, not another’s testimony. because we are the subject of God’s actions our subjective experiences are the testimonies the verse refers to. this testimony does not require inflation either, nor is it required to adhere to a certain ideal. our subjective experience, whatever it may be, combined with the blood of the Lamb, allows us to be victorious. And while the blood of the Lamb takes precedence, hence being mentioned first in the verse, it is incomplete without our own subjective experience. additionally, to overcome means to grow in freedom, to remove hindrances in our mind and emotions that may hinder us in the pursuit of the knowledge of God and of ourselves; overcoming speaks of becoming more human. thus, fully experiencing the subjective perception of God leads us to a more human existence, helping us answer the question “how should we live?”

secondly, it not only matters what we believe but how we believe. the form of belief matters no less when compared to the content of belief. we may believe the objective, theological assertions of God, but without the corresponding subjective structures our belief may actually become unbelief. for instance, we might believe that God is a God of peace, but if we experience continual anxiety, our belief may be found untrue in practice. however, we can only become aware of the subjective structures with careful attention to the subjective reality of our experience. we may feel remorse towards God despite our adherence to biblical doctrine. here we must ask how does the knowledge of God impact our intellect and emotions.

thirdly, the christian in modern times holds within themselves the conflict between personal dreams and the will of the absolute, between their fallen state and the image of perfection. hegel described this well enough with his concept of the “unhappy consciousness,” where humanity suffers because it has taken its best qualities and projected them onto God who is out of reach. hegel was right that this causes much anxiety for humanity. however, the absolute a residual being created from a grand psychological misstep. rather, God is a personality, as martin buber rightly affirms. and, because of his personality, there is the freedom to disagree. this disagreement does not only occur regarding moral decisions and the question of salvation and belief, but also about the state of reality. God is an infinite personality and he has delegated to humanity aspects of reality. thus, we have the freedom to discuss reality with God and alter the course of history. this is the role of the intercessor and the primary role of humanity - to recreate reality. God has no physical body currently on the earth, and as such the coming of the Kingdom is contingent upon the human experience. a phenomenological understanding of the subjective experience of humanity encountering God allows us to grasp this identity.

lastly, because God generally acts through humanity, we experience God often through other people. without a thorough understanding of the human condition, we will miss much of God’s attempted communication. by being aware of the experience of our consciousness observing other consciousnesses, we become aware of the content of the gospel. this is not a secondary effect, but rather the primary force of life, as Christ, according to ephesians 1:10, reconciles all things to himself. the subjective structures created through our interactions with others are parts of reality and parts of the formation of the kingdom.

do not worry

anxiety snatches from us the light of heaven. the light of heaven which is God’s love and grace and our greatest treasure. the snatching comes through small holes in our thinking - thoughts that bind themselves to our hearts and cause us to slowly lose our own thoughts. the anxious thoughts are not ours, nor will we ever own or control them. controlling them or owning them leaves us constantly asphyxiated. the only hope is to breath them out as deeply as we can, and to practice breathing out often. the soul’s breath requires practice, only through trials and practice does lung capacity increase. do not worry for worry intoxicates. do not worry whether you please God. do not worry if the beloved returns your love. do not worry if love will reject you, if she will toss a cold glance towards you and then find something better - there is none other than you. anxiety tempts us towards options, but we ourselves, our souls, our being ourselves, is the only option. anxiety wishes to fill our lungs causing us to lose consciousness, until the years slip by and our faces turn blue. but in the throne room there is only the soul which is who you are.

young revolutionaries

on stage, the black leather jacket cusping the neck that clinches from the cold, embracing the spirit that sophisticates from the cold, the cold cool fall wind that refreshes childhood reveries, she on stage, up turned collar, straight legged and action ready, alluring, violent, semi-erotic, but never lenient, never fulfilling. i loved her for she was not me.

pale, mild, modern, preparing tea in the garden, hand at the latch. now in the shadow; now reclining in the sun. a moment to one's self, a moment away from the crowd, away from the complex structures, from the complexities of the city-garden. now, a time to be empty, a moment to grasp at dust in the light. a moment for childhood reveries to brand the heart with enduring passions. grasp at these bird-souls that fly towards relation. relations that require information to be discarded - at alarming rates she throws out the excess. there i saw her with paisley, and brought hyacinths for refreshment. her mouth moved in shapes of words, she while tearing the veil in two. i was asleep but my heart was awake.

incarnation speaks the word, personalities fold, unfold, and refold, i become what i behold while the quasi-spiritual run from the difficulties of friendship. i shout from the streets, warning against these grammatical errors that stifle love, these insinuating arguments of lesser intents, these double-guesses that run rampant in the conflicted souls of the believing. you are all that God has to give. young revolutionaries, we embrace the world, we own it, we kiss it, we find it.

the new weapon of cute

bigger is better, but small is beautiful. irresistible, contrite, and meek, the cute begin revolutions with every glance. their vision extends beyond the visible to the valuable. rather than obsessing over velocity and mass, over where things are going, the cute are here and now, searching for connection. the touch, the caress, the embrace - these are the cute reactions to high technology. high tech makes us want high touch, a healing of the body-soul rather than a narrow aspect.

spiritual dogmas reduce the irreducible; let's return to direct experience as a revelation of truth. often the soul of God-believers lives like a bird in the cage of the physical body. only if used in worship are physical things valued. the spiritual is high, the material is low. we assume that incarnation only occurs within categories, within things that can be organized. but His Spirit comes through touch, which can be described but not organized. sloppy and fractal, touch as a channel breaks categories. the Spirit floods these channels of perception with layers of colors wrapped around truth. how are we to learn from static systems? i want a person, i want a voice, i want communication.

wrapped in conversation, one entity influences another which influences another, appropriating both ideas and energy. the cute share. gifts abound and pass hand to hand. the Spirit speaking gives the Body utterance. this is flow. one day adding to another, one thought building on another, building a body that is a house. here, in the foyer, organic eddies of content break through horizons.

how lovely are the feet of those who bring the good news. how lovely the faces that smile through barriers. how lovely the hands that touch the Kingdom, that hold the dying, that caress the lonely. the cute are a tendril connecting heaven with the earth. and here, in the light of love, the meek will inherit it all.

brothers and sisters

you and eyes and hands holding in the glow of lanterns. here, all generations come together, we play with the past, we mock ancestors, we patch blue jeans we tear at hearts, among the paisley my family tree buds into playful differences, folded unfolded refolded, me to you with tears in between - weep for grandmother, i cry for the business turn arounds, the sons of methodist ministers who found life intolerable, unlivable, unwanted. do not speak your mind yet, do not, but come round to the corner convenience store and feel every tension breathing through these sighs - crate and barrel at christmas in boston - this commerciality is so close to home these deep red products must be family. it is fall and the air is cold and rich in content - some straight forward, some ironic, some merely pointing to all that remains hidden. the sun stirs dust through this lodge, this lodge of high beams, this lodge of dwelling and paternity and gender benders - not male, not female, not homosexual, only deeply caffeinated and sterile. let's take this one slow, lets take this one outside the city gates, lets make this one count. in virginia our gills will not breath in the sharp air of the hills, in the crisp dawns that reveal truth, in the winding streets of richmond where i first took the plunge and fell in love and fell in truth and revealed truth and plunged into playful differences. she was not me and so i loved here. her long brown hair falling into the form of aches hurts throbs - lets hit the brakes. and find the time to be brothers. and find the time to be sisters.

patience

tempering the prophetic personality requires living through the tension of a malleable universe. the honed voice recognizes that thoughts create things. at the same time, a reality which one can change instantly results in pure white noise - a flux devoid of content. patience represents the revelation that God's love produced time as a gift to the artist. time provides the artist with boundaries, without which finite children are lost against the surround of the eternal. we may envision within the heart a distinct reality, but time allows the vision to pass through our physical bodies - allows it to affect the external reality without creating discontinuity. in this way, we are like our Maker - who said "let us make humans in Our image" and then did. we cannot escape the sense of thenness if we are to remain in God's image. if the vision seems slow, wait for it, it will not be late. be patient, for humankind can only bear so much reality.

the world awaits

the world awaits for the appearing of the children of light. like those awaiting the holidays, we perch beneath thickets, long hair wrapped between fingers. october is the most distinguished month, for we await the harsh winter. and, being dreamers, we hope for an ever harsher winter, one where our nesting will be deeper, and our dwellings downier. in the oldness of the coldness we drift into sleep, to wake in reveries where the sun shines even brighter beneath the astral tension which is the city, beneath the grids and the parallel lines, remembering where the heart resides. remember where the heart will fly. smell of cold air, smell of cold self, dont get lost in the moment, your friends are near, and they need you here.